The Scarlet Letters of the word "Incel"

Nowadays, the word “Incel” is a thing. The Google dictionary defines it as “a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active.”

"self-identified incels have used the internet to find anonymous support"

I know, right? Back in my day (not that long ago), there was a lot of pressure on young men to date. To have a girlfriend. To be quick with their own dating resume, so that one wouldn’t be. To lose one’s virginity. To kiss a girl on the lips, etc. It came from all directions also. Social hierarchies within high schools, higher education, parents, co-workers, and the like.

Basically, if you couldn’t do any of the above, you were labeled a loser. Forget chasing after women, it was held in high regard by young men to “get some.” To get laid. To score. For you had relevance in society. It is evident in any episode from any sitcom from the 90s into the 2000s. Joey Tribbiani, George Costanza, and Butthead to name a few. In the movies, these philosophies were propagandized with the movies from the American Pie franchise, Wedding Crashers, There’s Something About Mary, and Kevin Smith movies.

If you couldn’t “score” with the ladies, you were a dud, full stop. So many young men wrapped their identities around it. And I am not exempt from calling the kettle black. I did some cringeworthy things myself. And now that I am in my 40s, I see something that is of a more sinister nature with those young men that fall in that category - they are defined by the term “Incel.” Short for involuntarily celibate.

In the video above, the comedic effect of Ace Ventura lies in how sought after the kiss of a volunteering woman is, and he denies it, saying he has decided to take a vow of celibacy. Something I don’t know if today’s young adults would find funny.

If you were involuntarily celibate in the 90s and 2000s, it was just something you dealt with. Society expected you to work on your skills, and make yourself more attractive, and increase your market value to your desired group. But now, the accountability is not with them anymore, they flat out blame their desired quarry for not being into them.

I haven’t been single for the better part of a decade now, but damn. Don’t some of these guys have sisters or a mom they hold in high regard? The life that I have had thus far - I’ve only known what it’s like to have a sister. She is a year and a half older than me, and I can’t vouch for what I would have been like without her influence. Like we don’t know how many comets would have hit Earth or any of the other planets in the solar system if not for Jupiter absorbing its share of them.

Sure, other guys out there that do have older sisters become pieces of shit anyway. It is not guaranteed that a guy won’t be seduced by the dark side of accountability and blame women for their troubles.

To quote Napoleon Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich,” “If you believe yourself unfortunate because you have ‘loved and lost,’ perish the thought. One who has loved truly can never lose entirely. Love is whimsical and temperamental. Its nature is ephemeral and transitory. It comes when it pleases and goes away without warning. Accept and enjoy it while it remains, but spend no time worrying about its departure. Worry will never bring it back.

Dismiss, also, the thought that love never comes but once. Love may come and go, times without number, but there are no two love experiences that affect you in just the same way. There may be, and there usually is, one love experience that leaves a deeper imprint on the heart than all the others, but all love experiences are beneficial, except to the person who becomes resentful and cynical when love makes its departure...
Love is, without question, life's greatest experience.”

If you are among the vast quantity of men who fall into the “incel” category, Please read the above quote again. And go forth and find someone with whom you won’t have “arm candy,” or rather after someone you’ll be grateful for everyday of your life. Impress people not by looks that will fade, but of a genuine nature that will forever withstand the test of the times.